IT'S 2AM IN CALIFORNIA....HAVING A HARD TIME SLEEPING TONIGHT AS I LAY HERE IN THIS HOSPITAL BED WITH SO MANY THINGS "HEAVY ON MY MIND" AND PRAY TO THE ONE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS"MY LORD"...WHEN I LOOK BACK AND THINK OF WHEN I WAS A KID AND GOING OUTSIDE TO PLAY ON THE WEEKENDS WITH THE NEIGHBORS HOW MUCH HAPPINESS THAT USE TO BRING ME.WAKING UP MONDAY MORNINGS FOR SCHOOL AND COULD NOT WAIT TO SEE ALL THE GIRLS AND MY FRIENDS AS SUNDAY NIGHT USE TO NEVER COME FAST ENOUGH,AS THESE SIMPLEST OF THINGS WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY ....THOSE DAYS SEEMED SO FAR AWAY NOW AND SO LONG AGO BUT I COULD NEVER FORGET THE FEELINGS THAT IT GAVE ME AS IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY.....THOSE WERE SOME OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE...I HAVE SEEN ALOT OF PEOPLE COME AND GO IN MY LIFE TIME AND THEY TURN INTO SUCH DISTANT MEMORIES AS THEY JUST SEEM TO FADE AWAY AFTER A WHILE BUT ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN AS I KNOW THAT I WILL BE ONE OF THOSE MEMORIES IN PEOPLES LIVES ONE DAY AS MY CANDLE IN THE WIND WILL BLOW OUT AND THAT SADDENS ME.I REALLY STARTED TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT MY LIFE REALLY WAS WHEN AT ONE POINT LAST YEAR THAT'S ALL I WAS HANGING ON TOO.I ASKED GOD WHY ME??I WORKED HARD OPENED A MORNING PASTRY WHOLESALE BAKERY THAT I STARTED WITH 1 EMPLOYEE AND BUILT IT UP TO 23 EMPLOYEES IN THE 8 YEARS I HAD IT.I PROVIDED AND GAVE PEOPLE JOBS THAT NO ELSE WOULD HIGHER AND PAID THEM FAIR WAGES AND AT THE SAME TIME WAS RAISING 4 AMAZING KIDS AND A BEAUTIFUL STAY AT HOME YOUNG IRISH WIFE......I WOULD WORK UP TO 16 HOURS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK..WHY ME??WHY DID I HAVE TO GET THAT VIRAL PHENOMENA THAT WOULD ONE DAY LEAD TO CARDIOMYOPATHY AND SLOWLY START TO RUIN SO MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE STARTING WITH MY COMPANY AND THEN THE ONLY OTHER THING I HAD LEFT,MY MARRIAGE OF 10 YEARS.AND THEN THE WHEELS REALLY FELL OFF IN SO SO MANY WAYS.......AND NOW I SIT BACK AND WATCH EVERYBODY EVERYDAY STRESS,RUSH,KILL EACH OTHER,HAVE NO PATIENCE ,BEAT ONE ANOTHER AND COMMIT CRIMES TO EAT AND LIVE AND SO SO MUCH MORE.....I'M NO ANGEL BELIEVE ME I HAVE HAD MY DAYS.....AND AS I LAY HERE AND THINK BACK NOW HOW THE SIMPLEST THINGS IN LIFE MADE US SO HAPPY WHEN WE WERE KIDS.NOW PEOPLE THESE DAYS SEEM TO NEED MATERIAL THINGS,BIG HOMES,NICE CARS,LOTS OF MONEY.....ETC....TO HAVE HAPPINESS IN THEIR LIVES BUT SO MANY PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE CAUSE THEIR SO WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY THINK THEY NEED WHICH DOESN'T EVEN MATTER CAUSE WITHOUT "HEALTH"YOU HAVE NOTHING AND IT'S SAD THAT MOST PEOPLE WILL NOT EVEN REALIZE THAT TILL THEIR LAYING RIGHT HERE IN THIS HOSPITAL BED AND THEN IT MAY BE TOO LATE.I LAY HERE TONIGHT AND THINK ABOUT HOW THE SIMPLEST THINGS MAKE ME HAPPY TODAY AND TO SEE TOMORROW IS ONE OF THEM.I THANK MY LORD FOR 18 MONTHS WITH MY VAD AND THAT I AM ABLE TO SEE THIS WONDERFUL DAY THEY CALL CHRISTMAS .....I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY AND WILL NEVER TAKE ONE MINUTE FOR GRANTED AGAIN CAUSE I KNOW THAT MY CANDLE CAN BLOW OUT ANY TIME OF ANY DAY.THANK YOU TO MY LORD AND VAD FOR THE GREATEST LAST YEAR AND A HALF OF MY LIFE......MY SECOND CHRISTMAS IN MY WONDERFUL EXTENDED LIFE...I AM SO BLESSED:))
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORD !!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL
This really touched my heart. It says it all, everything I am thinking too. We look at life differently now, we reflect, we remember. We are happy yet we are sad. We are grateful yet we are not understanding why it happened to us. We look around at other people and see that they don't understand how precious life is; they believe they will always be healthy. But, as we well know, none of us get out of this life alive. I am a firm believer that when it is your "time" it is your time. I look forward to Heaven, but I am not ready to go just yet. I cherish every day, pain and all. Every day is a new dilemma of some sort. But we persevere. And that is what makes us different from the rest. We are LVAD Warriors. We fight the good fight. We fight for ourselves, for our family, for future generations. From my LVAD to yours, Merry Christmas, Chris. May God bless you and keep you.
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